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Draplin Design Co., North America
Stuff For Sale
DDC-069 "Envelope Eviscerator"

Photo: ©2012 DDC Merchandise Archives

Product Description:
Tre McCarthy stepped up to the plate and asked us for it. And we delivered. Just that simple.

Here’s what Tre wrote us:

“You should make letter openers. I need one, and can’t seem to find one that suits my tastes. -Tre”

Look no further, buddy. Yer letter opening needs are met with this little plastic bastard. Hell, we’ve been using the thing all week long to open our sad sap stream of bills. No more mangling. Works well in a pile of clutter on a desk. Opens pretty much every kind of envelope. Fun to hold. Works for both right and left-handers. Versatile. Proudly made right here in the U.S.A.

You ask. We make. That’s how shit goes with DDC merch.

Product Details:
01. Weird orange plastic. Durable as hell.
02. Proudly made in the U.S.A.
03. Sharp as shit. Says it right on it.
04. Our patented “Anti-Mangler Technology.”
05. Open a lifetime of envelopes. Big fun.
06. Facilitated out by our buddies at Brewery Outfitters.
07. Good for envelopes housing the following: fuckerface bills, big checks, junk mail, parole paperwork, eviction notices, credit card offers, birthday cards from well-meaning relatives, hate mail, death threats, delusional rants, casino offers and voting forms.
Ordering Details:
$4.49 - Shipping Included (U.S.A.)
The Fine Print:
For customers using PayPal, click the link above they’ll take it from there. For customers who aren’t using PayPal, send us an email to “orders(at)draplin.com” and we’ll get back to you with an address to ship the funds to. We accept money orders and cold hard cash, so, get with it, man! All orders are shipped out as fast as we can. Usually a couple days after the order comes in. We ship everything USPS “First Class” rates. If you want quicker shipping, contact us and we can ramp it up to USPS Priority, or whatever you need. We aim to please!
International Orders:
We cover the shipping in the states, but charge the basics for international orders. Before you place the order through our PayPal account, send us an email to “orders(at)draplin.com” and we’ll get you a shipping quote for the goods you are interested in. As simple as that! Thanks!

©2012 DDC Dry Goods Div., Merch Dept., Portland, Ore.