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Draplin Design Co., North America
March 14, 2004
Ryno Simonson: Real Hateful
Posted at 11:42 PM


From Ryno Simonson’s “About Me:” Friendster offering,

“Things that I hate: The Home Depot, Wal-Mart, SUVs, Cell Phones, People talking on Cell Phones whilst driving SUVs, Golf, The Suburbs, Stinky Punk Rockers, White People with Dreadlocks, Los Angeles, Sushi, Yoga, The New York Yankees, Nelly, Republicans, Rap-Metal (Hard Now), People who wear baseball caps backwards, people who wear sun visors upside down and backwards - that really pisses me off, Kobe and Shaq, Radio Cuntry Music, Hippies, PCs, people who let their kids play soccer instead of baseball, Starbucks, Volkswagen Beetles, Beyonce, Fight Club, goth dicks, Beggars, Jet Skis, crotch-rocket motorcycles and the fuckers who ride them, nuclear power, budweiser, sports teams with racist american indian mascots, television, disney movies, florida, freezing rain, church, paying for parking, Applebees, Blockbuster, TGIFridays, The Olive Garden, Lite Beer, The Chicago White Sox, Pedro Martinez, Manny Ramirez, Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi, Roberto Alomar, John Madden, Tim McCarver, Joe Buck, Everybody Loves Raymond, Cottage Cheese, soccer moms, No Turn On Red, pleated pants, vinyl siding, retail developments, loft condos, the NBA, sucka MCs, cocaine, mean eyed cats, fuckers who pull up at my neighbors’ houses and honk their horn for 20 minutes instead of getting out of their goddamn car and ringing the doorbell, Ben Affleck, Nike, P.Diddy, fake tits, warner bros. character tattoos, rollerblades, The Colorado Avalanche, Christmas, new comic books, Ambercrombie and Fitch, tucked-in shirts, James Rosenquist, beef jerky, leather pants, baggy clothes, telemarketers, The Portland Trail Blazers, income tax, the Beatles, dumb people, reality TV, british royalty, bleu cheese, bad lyrics, unkept pubic hair, fashion mullets, Drew Carey, linoleum floors, white people’s jazz, people who talk during movies, bad drivers, NIN, Donald Rumsfeld, movies by Oliver Stone, Lite Rock stations, Sid Hartman, Nü Metal, stupid piercings, the Gap, jello salads, people with excuses for everything, mosquitioes, those orange japanese beetles, drunk bums, trust-fund and/or college educated “gutter punks,” The University of Michigan, Deon Sanders, the Silver Surfer, Jane’s Addiction, those shoes with wheels in the heels, frosted tips, construction zones with no constuction being done, lazy union road crews, Ja Rule, chemically treated lawns, McDonalds, Duke University, and wicker chairs. And don’t let me forget Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, and Tony Hawk Pro Skater games (for ruining my life. video crack).”

01. Mean-eyed cats? That makes two of us.
02. No Turn On Red. Oh man, don’t get me going.
03. Those shoes with wheels in the heels. Ha…yep…’zactly.

Oh man, bleeding eyes, bleeding eyes. Man, hi-fives and chestbumps from the Left Coast, we’re right there with ya. Stay strong, keep up the good fight. Poetic.

(Y’know, for being a real sonofabitch, it’s yer “way with words” that keeps our bond strong.)

There Are 9 Comments

I love it when you get all mushy, Aaron. Did I ever tell you about the night before I left Mpls, after a few Navy Grogs at the Dragon, Ryno and I sat on the ledge of my driveway in the rain, smoking cigars, and he was reciting poetry to me and putting his arm around me and getting all mushy too. I told him to get the fuck out of there cause he was making me tear up. The next morning he told me he crashed up his car exiting my driveway.

Posted by: Kurt Halsey on 03/15/04 at 7:27 AM

Readers to this Simonson guy: Who doesn’t hate all this shit. The sheeple just don’t know any better.

Posted by: Hate leaving my name on 03/15/04 at 8:25 AM

Poetry.. pure and simple. That is some beautiful writing Ryan.

Posted by: Bradford on 03/15/04 at 12:35 PM

False truths from the keyboard of Kurt Halsey - !

I think he slipped something in my drink that night. Trying to get my goods, if you know what I mean. You know, the guy runs around in tight Diesel jeans.

Posted by: Mean, Nasty, Vile, Asshole Ryno on 03/15/04 at 2:31 PM

I’m only surprised it wasn’t longer. Friendster must have some kind of limit to text field lengths.

Posted by: matthew on 03/16/04 at 2:41 PM

wait, wait, stupid conservative white guy wants a crack at this…

Urban dwelling, Toyota Prius, public transportation, walking, Alternative Country, independent record stores, small non-corporate coffee houses, Noam Chomsky, those retro 70’s truck driver hats, Michael Moore, hemp clothing retailers, renewable energy, The Green Party, reading, liking certain music only because no one else has ever heard of it, Republicrats (c’mon pick a side already) Oregon and New Hampshire, turn of the century homes with real brick facades, genuine Craftsman homes, whiney ‘mom and pop’ shops that complain about ‘big box’ stores, silent protesting, Community Colleges, PBS and NPR, The Guardian, anything that isn’t “Fair and Balanced” for that matter, urban renewal, Coen bros., used book stores, protesters, panhandlers, “causes”, Bill Bryson, vegan, distressed furniture, Goodwill®, Portishead, poems, Dennis Kucinich and his sister, Frank Zappa and his evil twin, real wood floors, free parking, compact car parking - hey, can’t fit the Hummer! Cuban baseball, lilly white N.H. rich guys who want to be democrat while driving their 40K BMW SUV…uhh hmmm wait, supposed to be hate list, sorry… anything alternative, initiatives to unplug one’s TV, conservation, EnergyStar, ACLU, comic book stores, a thoughtful prose, people who have a reason for everything they do.. boy that burns me, radio stations that have no format, riverbank habitat restoration, anything that doesn’t stand for “Truth, Justice and My Way”…

Posted by: Joe Brown on 03/19/04 at 9:03 AM

Hey, I resent joe brown’s tirade!!

Posted by: Maureen Kucinich on 04/20/04 at 2:29 PM

Oh, you better believe it buddy.

Posted by: Cosmo on 04/22/04 at 11:04 AM

Right on Brown!!!!

Posted by: George W. on 05/06/04 at 11:17 AM