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Draplin Design Co., North America
January 01, 2014
2014 Kicks In, And Missing Dad
Posted at 11:07 PM

Photo by some nice gal running around MCAD.

A NEW YEAR, AND WITHOUT MY DAD: I‚€™m usually pretty fired up to tear into it. Not this time around. Instead, I want to go back to October 13th.

This ‚€œlosing your dad‚€ bullshit is a real drag.

In all honesty, shit‚€™s pretty bleak. Dad added so much color, laughter and wit to my world. With him out of the picture, shit feels real dark. Sorta lifeless.

Sure, everyone‚€™s had incredible things to say. Soothing, poetic stuff. Thank you to all who have reached out. I love ya and appreciate the heartfelt sentiment. But at the end of the day, there‚€™s a big fuckin‚€™ hole in Northern Michigan, and in my heart.

I don‚€™t like thinking about it. So I medicate myself with projects and whatever else. That‚€™s how people do it, right?

I find myself wondering where he is. Did he go up to heaven? Is his energy dispersed equally throughout the universe, whirling around each and every molecule? Maybe he‚€™s just everywhere?Those are the hopeful scenarios.

The darker shit included thoughts of finality. Say you just die, and that‚€™s it? I mean, where does an ant‚€™s soul go with you step on the little guy? To ant heaven? Somewhere else? Or is the little shit just snubbed out and that‚€™s that? I guess I‚€™m kinda okay with both. I was raised Catholic, so I‚€™ve got those superstitions pounded into me somewhere. I like the idea of Dad being with his mom and dad and everyone else who we‚€™ve lost. Up there in heaven with Gramma Josie and Gramma Leo. That soothes.

I just miss the idea of my dad a phone call away. That‚€™s where he was for me the last twenty years. I fought hard to get home to see them 3-4 times a year. But he was always a phone call away. Even if he didn‚€™t know how to answer his fuckin‚€™ cell phone. I‚€™d call Mom and she‚€™d rustle Dad up. Having that one gone hurts.

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I dread the day that my own father dies. Having watched him say goodbye to my grandfather in 2013 I know that that is going to be one of the toughest things I can imagine.

If it’s any consolation…I think his energy is spread throughout the universe. Ever since hearing about his unabashed love of babies, I have been trying to spread that love around to any baby I happen to see. Including and especially my own little girl.

Posted by: MPR on 01/16/14 at 7:12 AM
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