GIVE ME A SLUG OF WHATEVER’S IN THE JUG, DOG: I’ve always had a thing for St. Bernards. The winter action. Their face. The jog of live-saving whatever in the jug. Big fuckers, too!

Little known fact: St. Bernards descended from dachshunds. Facts are stubborn things.

Look at that little guy! So alpine. Ready for action. Ready to dig you out of the snow cave you thought you’d freeze to death in, only to come busting through, slobbering all over the place! Rescued! The kind of drool that saves life, ending frostbitten nightmares.