My mind is jam-packed while we tour Rome.

Thinking about stuff like:

- Christians being martyred.
- Less than 2% of the gladiators survived that shit.
- The mortal remains of St. Peter, below yer feet.
- Michelangelo’s nose, and his grumpy ways.
- Doric columns.
- Roman orgies.
- Eating until you puke.
- Togas.
- The Pope, and his daily activities.
- The effect of flash photography on the Sistine Chapel.
- All roads leading to Rome.
- Matt Damon driving down stairs and shit.
- Benito Mussolini and his fascist cohorts.
- Hitler coming to Italy in 1938 for a little tour.
- Spaghetti bolognese, how I love you.
- Charles Heston’s bronzed ways.
- Ben Hur.
- Class systems in Roman society.
- Constantinople.
- Just how come no cool bands come from Italy?
- Just how frivolous fashion is, and all the victims in Rome.
- Seeing turds trying to navigate cobblestone in high heels.
- Glossy down jackets and jeans with big, dumb embroideries.
- Just how fast the motorcyclists go on the wet streets. Ulp.
- Smart cars and just how the fuck I’d fit in one.
- Roman aqueducts.
- The U.S. Embassy, and who’s guarding it.
- Roman Emperors: Madness, lies and betrayal.
- No Pepsi, anywhere, and like we care. This is a Coke town!
- The rhythm of the Italian language. Beautiful, really.
- The Illuminati, and what the fuck they are up to now.
- DaVinci codes. Yeah, I’m dumb.
- Roman sewer systems.
- Ancient Etruscan culture.
- Egyptian influences around the town.
- Napoleon. I mean, why not?
- St. Peters Basilica, and how I want to go back.
- What it would be like to be a monk.
- The smell of cigarette smoke while eating supper. Yum.
- Pope John Paul. Seemed like a friendly guy.
- Raphael’s frescoes.
- Bernini’s sculptures.
- That Trajan Column, and how much I hate that font.
- Tight little streets and alleys.
- How you have to be careful walking around here.
- Water = “No gas.” Or, “stale water.” No fizz, man!
- Their kick-ass “garbage collector squad” logo. (See above!)

Best description ever of the wonders of Rome.

Posted by: Liz L. on 03/18/10 at 10:30 AM